Category Archives: grieving

THE OLD YEAR OUT; THE NEW YEAR IN

Age, change, God, grieving, growing old, life, New Year, pain, sorrow, Uncategorized, , , , , ,

“Time marches on” as the old saying goes. Things never stay the same. As I think of the passing years with its joys and sorrows, I look forward not just to a new year, but the never-ending year God has for those who love Jesus Christ. And there, I will have no sorrows, only joy. I hope many others join me there.

ALL THINGS NEW

What was can never be again.
The landscape of the present day
is now the shadow on the wall
no matter how I bid it stay.

There's now no mother kiss to heal
my wounds, no father's arms to hold
me when I weep, no bouncing child
to keep my heart from growing cold.

My auburn strands of hair have turned
to gray. My skin, in years gone by,
so soft and smooth, now shows the lines
of years that passed just like a sigh.

If I could hold the reins of time
and from its endless journey free
the joy of moments past, then they
could always be a part of me.

Though not just joys, but sorrows too,
would never leave and never heal.
Perhaps what seems a glorious thought
would simply be a gross ordeal.

And yet inside of me, a part of me
yearns to never say goodbye
to mother, father, child, or friend,
as years are days that ceaseless fly.

The changing days are part of life
for blessings, sorrows, much or few,
until God stills the earthly clock,
and with one word makes all things new.

JUDAH

darkness, death, family, God, God's love, grieving, pain, sorrow, tears, Uncategorized, , , , , , ,

As I enter January, I think about my grandson Judah who ended his life on January 23, 2022. He was far too young; he would turn 19 that year. Even when someone seems whole and involved with God, there are times the darkness gets too heavy. I pray that no one feels there is no hope as they think this course would be better. I miss that young man, but I know his mama and daddy and his siblings miss him more. And I know that God brings comfort to our hearts as he catches our tears and mingles them with his own.

WHEN DID YOU DRY JUDAH’S TEARS

When did You dry Judah’s tears?
When he first looked in Your face?
When he felt Your warm, calm arms
When he felt Your mercy, grace?

When did You dry Judah’s tears?
When he knew there were no chains,
earth’s enticements now were gone?
Was that when you healed his pain?

When did You dry Judah’s tears?
Before the joy You had for him?
When he knew earth’s arms were loosed?
Gone was bondage to all sin?

Come and dry our tears of grief
from these pain that wounds our hearts
to Your joy because we know
Judah now lives in Your heart.

Darlene Estlow©2023

December sadness

Christmas, grieving, hope, Uncategorized, , ,

Three loved ones
Three loved ones

my husband
My Michael

 

 

 

 

 

As Christmas approaches, I have been experiencing such a feeling of sadness. I understand why. This is the Christmas without my precious mom. She went home to be with the Lord in May. But I think there is more. December 18 would be my 49th anniversary if my husband was still living. He has been gone almost eight years, but I guess I’ll never stop having those moments when I miss him. And I think I am still a little tender about my brother’s dying in August 2012. And although my Daddy died in 1998, there are times I still miss him. So goes grieving. It catches us by surprise when those moments come. I guess it shouldn’t, but doesn’t it always?

All that makes me think of my poor little Mama. She and Daddy were married almost 56 years when she lost him. And then to lose a child, no matter how old, was terrible for her. I think it must have been harder than losing Daddy, if that is possible. Children shouldn’t die before their parents, but all through history, they have. My daughter almost lost her 2 year old son three years ago. But we were so thankful that we still have him and he is a normal, active 5 year old, full of mischief and life.

As I have thought a lot about losses this month. I realize that under my sadness, I still have joy. Not the giggly kind that is happiness, but the deep kind that holds onto hope. I think of the message of Christmas and the gift of Christmas: the baby, God in human form, who came to give us hope for each day, strength to go on and to know that the best is not in this life, but in the one to come where we will never have to say goodbye.